Doors to Happiness

They say whenever one door of happiness closes, another opens, and Helen Keller said that we are often too busy looking at the door that is closed to see the new one that is opened for us. I think life is often about actually turning your head around and watching where you're going. You can't move ahead while you're craning your neck around to see what you just left. We usually remember moments of the past better than they were and we view the present as worse than it is. Luckily, for some of us, we see our present as a much better situation than some of them from our past, however, there are those of us who look back and seem to view events, people and opportunities as better than they were. We long to live in the past. We need to just move forward and stay focused and pay attention. I'm learning little things can bring happiness, and the little things keep us going. If I dwell in the negative, everything begins to look hopeless. If I concentrate on small things that make me smile, then my day is a bit brighter because of it. It's a good day when you manage to not hit an animal while driving the back roads. It's a good day when you can help someone. It's a good day when you find a deal on an item you need and save a few dollars. It's a good day when you wake up before your alarm and can remember what you dreamed about. Little things console us. I think the "doors to happiness" are doors leading to doors leading to doors. You keep going through doors. Happiness is what you feel along the journey, it should be the vehicle you ride in, not the destination you seek after. So, open the door that's there in front of you and walk away from the closed one. Right "goodbye" on it and turn around and keep going.

~Elizabeth

Not Much Wisdom Here, but Hope

I've nothing smart or witty to say; no words to comfort or cheer.
I've rubbish on paper and letters in order, but nothing to amount to something to hold.
It's sentences, poorly structured, running on as if they never learned how to make an end to what they are saying, and besides, if they ended, you'd probably not notice anyway, would you?
I've nothing to add to my wisdom.
Nor have a quote to lift your aching soul. My words will not bring peace to you in such a time as this, really, there is nothing more I can do.
I cannot spill from my lips the meaning you seek nor carve out in stone any truth.
On paper, just paper, I write meaningless things; yet, you're reading them.
If I could make sense of things, perhaps, I'd tell you a road map in words so you would safely navigate to better times. I'd insure a safe journey for you. Yet, that is not how it was meant to be, so here I am, typing, and leaving cluttered thoughts behind.
I've nothing clever, or special, or life altering to add.
Just keep going, and breathing, and living.
Keep hope alive.

Thoughtless Currently

i am staring at a blank page and need to write but nothing comes to me

i'm supposed to be getting ready for bed


There's too many things I want to say and yet the words just can't be said. It's like, if said, then perhaps everything would change.

Fear. Fear of the unknown. Why are we so held down by fear?
Stupidity.
I'm convinced we're all stupid.
Love is stupid.
It makes us stupid.


...dancing around the subjects i wish to dance upon...

this was thoughtless enough.

..........in pain like a nest....

.................................i needed room to breathe.

somewhere, somewhere inside me to escape.

when I finally found it I was able to settle there, like a bird, a bird inside of a nest

   .....................................peacefully.....................................and content

 but, it hurt others, hurt them when I withrdrew and their hurt became my

pain.

I never wanted to cause pain.

I wanted to feel embraced........................alive........

I needed inside to feel connected to who I am living on this planet I feel too disconnected with

....but it caused pain...

....and that pain makes me feel as though I shall wither away

                                          ... and die.

Lookin' Good There

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, I look good"?
When was the last time you told someone you loved that they're really pretty, or they're the sexiest thing on the planet, or they have the most amazing eyes you will ever be privileged to behold?
I think too many of us have self esteem issues. I have them, too, don't get me wrong. We all do. It's important though to love ourselves. It's important to feel good about ourselves.
I think all women should feel like goddesses from time to time -or everyday - but they should feel wanted, pretty, amazing and most importantly: powerful.
I think guys should feel like sex gods; they should feel strong and capable yet possess a class to quietly carry their confidence - cocky is not cool.
You should be able to wear something pretty, something nice, something that makes you feel good - and for heaven's sakes, wear nice underwear from time to time. It does wonders.
Ever flirt, just to flirt? Try it! Ever compliment a stranger? Try it! I always compliment women with long, pretty hair. Why? Because to keep it that way takes work. It takes a certain love for long hair. If her hair is long, she has it down, and she looks amazing, tell her.
I like to randomly smile at guys. They light up. It's like "she smiled at me" - it's so simple, yet it makes someones day.
The one thing I rarely do is go up to mothers and go "you have the prettiest child in the world". It's kinda' creepy. Particularly if a guy tries it.
Embrace yourselves. Put on lipstick to brighten your day. Add cologne, seriously, a little goes a long way. Don't put white socks on with black pants......just don't.
And try from time to time to look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you look. I know you can't say it every day. But try, at least every few days to do so. And goshdarnit, smile.

Myself is myself is me is I is simply, well, me.

Isn't it funny how we sometimes in order to re-connect with ourselves not only revisit memories, but we revisit old friendships, whether verbally or through memories of those people? We revisit our favorite songs and movies, our favorite books and past-times.
I like to sometimes recall vividly memories though.
I like to let them play out in my head. You see, I have a photographic memory. I recall things in vivid detail, right down to the words said. I think it is the writer in me.
I will recall your voice. Your smell. Your words.  Always, always your laugh. Ever notice that it is easier to remember someone's laugh than their voice? It's joy captured in sound. I always remember your laughter.
I remember often what I was wearing, what you were wearing...sometimes, I recall odd little details. I recall the things I noticed. I often notice odd things.
My past isn't always a pretty thing to recall. There are moments I wish to forget. Yet, there are brilliant times I'll never want erased.
I have for a very long time been the same inside.
I have liked much of the same things for years.
I have been drawn to certain things my whole life.
Trees, doves, harps, redheads, swords, dragons, the ocean, the beach, the stars, the moon, blue eyes, wind, willows, soft things.
I have hated many things my whole life.
Bees, wasps, buzzing, scratching, liars, nasty couches and carpet, evil dogs, mosquitoes, cole slaw, things too hot on my sensitve feet, rough fabrics.
It's funny how things don't change.
At least, inside me.
I've always been the rebel; some say I march to the beat of my own drum. I actually don't march to a drum, it's more of a melody, really. A melody of voices, memories, thoughts and feelings. It's a nice melody. Most days.

~Elizabeth

Awakening

forgetful, unwanted - tiptoe up and down and around and stop when you hear that beating sound; like a masterpeice in your ear, the sound of memories clear, but silly, you let them go; breaking the entry, move here and bury all the rest, and hide the rest - scarred, unwanted - dance bleeding on the ground, spin arpund and hear that sound; like a lullaby in your soul, the emptiness a hole, but darling, let it go.......you can't hold onto it all, you can't keep it all inside, like mountains are bound to collide - break the entry, break the soul, break the speech and the role, hide the rest, unwanted mess and breathe shallow; take the edge off in the words, find the way to heal the hurt and bear alone this curse - frightened, unwanted - die on the pavement in the darkness, the ache is taking over, leave it there and let it falter; to rise the next day, the day of awakening, and come forth new and whole and clean; prayer for the weary, for the weak - be strong, be brave, be great, but all you can be, silly, you can be.....anything.

..............love.

I realize how much some of us hurt for love; we hurt in love, we hurt to have it, hurt to keep it, hurt to bear and hurt to lose it. We hurt while loving and hurt when losing; we hurt before, during and after. We hurt. I realize there is too much pain in this emotion called love. Maybe our fragile bodies, shallow hearts and weak minds were never meant to feel so godlike an emotion. Maybe we were never supposed to understand the depths of love. To love someone so much that you would let them love another and silently die a little more each day in your agony and your loss for no one will compare to them or to their beauty or to the purity of their soul. That love was never meant for us mortals. To love completely, unerringly, relentlessly and never receive. To be choked by heart ache and drowned in grief. That love was not meant for us here below. Surely, it was meant for immortal beings whose time frame to heal is far vaster than ours.

....i want to assume that i know what i need...

there's a place in-between "i know" and "i assume".
it's a fine line.
a gentle string.
and some days i am holding the string in my hands and it nearly breaks.
there's a place in-between "i want" and "i need".
it's a blurred line.
a confusing thing.
and some days i assume what i want is what i need but i don't know.
you see this pattern i am caught in makes it hard for me to know without assuming and need without wanting.
when i get there, if i get there, i will tell you all that i know of what i need.
until then, you must hear me assume what i want.
my apologies.

Why Did Pandora Open the Box?

There are days I am unable to keep my hands off the box. Days I cannot even contain my wanting, my restless fingers, my itching palms.
I feel feverish when I stare at it.
That box.



There are days when I hear what's inside. I want to know what they are saying. Just a bit. Just a listen.
I think, I think they talk about you.
About me.
About Us.



There are days when the silence makes me worry and I want to peek inside to see if they left or if they decided silence was best.
The lid isn't locked.
I want to open it.



Today, they mentioned something of death. What if they spoke of you? What if they wish to kill you? I know I was told not to open the box, but what if they are plotting?
Can't I ask?
Please?




I think....I think I might have to check. There was laughter. And your name....................