Sunday, September 30, 2012

Love, Fairy Tales and Seeking a Happily Ever After

I suppose there are many of us who have dreamed often of a perfect romance; we have sought the perfect love, like a fairytale, complete with the "happily ever after" where the ends are neatly tied. We envisioned trials, yes, but the trials would make us strong and our beloved would be our hero or heroine, and in the end, no matter how hard, we would prevail.
For many of us, the ideal for perfection is all based on stories.
Romance novels and great movies, fairy tales, and sonnets; we want a love like our favorite characters.
I have realized we hold to these visions because the world around us is so corrupt.
Marriage is "temporary", commitment is based on parameters, and love is based on "me", rather than "love". Marriage is defined by laws, a signature, rings, and status. Love is defined by "you represent this to me, therefore I love you" and lovers can be lovers without any love at all.
In a world like this, we seek out the fairytale visions of Prince Charming, and a Princess in an enchanted sleep that can be awaken with a kiss. We want a world where heroes ride in on horses and Princesses are both pretty and fierce and delicate and strong.
Yet, we see "swag" and "bi-atches", and all number of slang terms we call our friends, and there are no princes, but there are guys with cars, and some not even very good cars, and some are lucky to have a bicycle. Princesses aren't ladies, and often act more like "dudes" and gave up on chivalry, so they get their own door and buy their own food because they can.
Our idea of romance is some disturbed version of books that encourages men to act like stalkers and women to be easily manipulated.
I don't know why this happened. I don't know when it began.
I do know however that love is not about "you" and it's not about what you can get or what the other person can give. Love is the emotion you feel for someone because you see the depth of their beauty and you love all of them. You love them because they are.
When things go awry you both try to work through it and hold to each other - but it takes both people and unless both want the same thing, nothing can be accomplished.
Everyone wants easy love. Easy sex. Easy marriage. Easy kids. Easy families. Easy life.
They want neat endings and order and good health the entire time.
Fairy tales don't cover the ups and downs of life, of stress, of too busy work schedules or health problems. Fairy tales don't mention the character's mental hang-ups or childhood traumas, they don't mention how two people can suddenly argue over why the bread wasn't closed right or the dishwasher was loaded incorrectly. Fairy tales don't mention the woes of car trouble, mortgages, nasty work conditions or sick children. They don't cover the frustrations of nosey neighbors, bullies at school, political problems, lack of health insurance, expired car tags, flooding washing machines, crappy mattresses, exploding hot water heaters, or wedding rings going down a drain.
Yet, if they did, we would suddenly have such a great overwhelming love for the characters because they go through what we do.
Maybe we don't write a love letter for every day of the year or make grand proposals of love; maybe we never had our stars charted and found the exact perfect person for us, but if we try, and try, and try some more, and keep trying every day, our grand children and great grand children can look back and see what real life love stories are.
They're stories of people getting through the every day ups and downs and waking up 20 years later and telling their beloved "I'd still choose you".
I don't want a Prince on a horse or a guy to propose with the Eiffel Tower in the background while we're serenaded. I want a man who will take care of the nasty insects and mow the lawn, and teach the kids handy life lessons; a man who will love me when I'm dressed up with bright red lipstick and a sassy skirt just as much when I have my hair pulled back and I'm covered in paint while having a sinus infection and PMS-ing. Mostly, I want to find someone I love so much that the essence of their soul is too beautiful not to love, and that he feels the same, and as long as we love each other, when he folds the laundry wrong, or farts when I'm in "writing mode" and disrupts my mood, or forgets to take out the trash that I will fuss about it and maybe complain like any good Libra woman would, and then smile inwardly because I love him regardless, and none of that is all that important anyway.
In my version of a fairytale we both have swords and stand side-by-side and our children have swords and when the dragons of the world threaten, we come together and we stick together and when it seems like we might fail, we remember the important thing is that we love each other.
True love was always the answer.
It's also the question.
It's the question you should always ask yourself....
and if it be yes, then you fight to keep it so.