Monday, May 16, 2011

Not Much Wisdom Here, but Hope

I've nothing smart or witty to say; no words to comfort or cheer.
I've rubbish on paper and letters in order, but nothing to amount to something to hold.
It's sentences, poorly structured, running on as if they never learned how to make an end to what they are saying, and besides, if they ended, you'd probably not notice anyway, would you?
I've nothing to add to my wisdom.
Nor have a quote to lift your aching soul. My words will not bring peace to you in such a time as this, really, there is nothing more I can do.
I cannot spill from my lips the meaning you seek nor carve out in stone any truth.
On paper, just paper, I write meaningless things; yet, you're reading them.
If I could make sense of things, perhaps, I'd tell you a road map in words so you would safely navigate to better times. I'd insure a safe journey for you. Yet, that is not how it was meant to be, so here I am, typing, and leaving cluttered thoughts behind.
I've nothing clever, or special, or life altering to add.
Just keep going, and breathing, and living.
Keep hope alive.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Thoughtless Currently

i am staring at a blank page and need to write but nothing comes to me

i'm supposed to be getting ready for bed

There's too many things I want to say and yet the words just can't be said. It's like, if said, then perhaps everything would change.

Fear. Fear of the unknown. Why are we so held down by fear?
I'm convinced we're all stupid.
Love is stupid.
It makes us stupid.

...dancing around the subjects i wish to dance upon...

this was thoughtless enough.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011 pain like a nest....

.................................i needed room to breathe.

somewhere, somewhere inside me to escape.

when I finally found it I was able to settle there, like a bird, a bird inside of a nest

   .....................................peacefully.....................................and content

 but, it hurt others, hurt them when I withrdrew and their hurt became my


I never wanted to cause pain.

I wanted to feel embraced........................alive........

I needed inside to feel connected to who I am living on this planet I feel too disconnected with

....but it caused pain...

....and that pain makes me feel as though I shall wither away

                                          ... and die.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Lookin' Good There

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, I look good"?
When was the last time you told someone you loved that they're really pretty, or they're the sexiest thing on the planet, or they have the most amazing eyes you will ever be privileged to behold?
I think too many of us have self esteem issues. I have them, too, don't get me wrong. We all do. It's important though to love ourselves. It's important to feel good about ourselves.
I think all women should feel like goddesses from time to time -or everyday - but they should feel wanted, pretty, amazing and most importantly: powerful.
I think guys should feel like sex gods; they should feel strong and capable yet possess a class to quietly carry their confidence - cocky is not cool.
You should be able to wear something pretty, something nice, something that makes you feel good - and for heaven's sakes, wear nice underwear from time to time. It does wonders.
Ever flirt, just to flirt? Try it! Ever compliment a stranger? Try it! I always compliment women with long, pretty hair. Why? Because to keep it that way takes work. It takes a certain love for long hair. If her hair is long, she has it down, and she looks amazing, tell her.
I like to randomly smile at guys. They light up. It's like "she smiled at me" - it's so simple, yet it makes someones day.
The one thing I rarely do is go up to mothers and go "you have the prettiest child in the world". It's kinda' creepy. Particularly if a guy tries it.
Embrace yourselves. Put on lipstick to brighten your day. Add cologne, seriously, a little goes a long way. Don't put white socks on with black pants......just don't.
And try from time to time to look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you look. I know you can't say it every day. But try, at least every few days to do so. And goshdarnit, smile.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Myself is myself is me is I is simply, well, me.

Isn't it funny how we sometimes in order to re-connect with ourselves not only revisit memories, but we revisit old friendships, whether verbally or through memories of those people? We revisit our favorite songs and movies, our favorite books and past-times.
I like to sometimes recall vividly memories though.
I like to let them play out in my head. You see, I have a photographic memory. I recall things in vivid detail, right down to the words said. I think it is the writer in me.
I will recall your voice. Your smell. Your words.  Always, always your laugh. Ever notice that it is easier to remember someone's laugh than their voice? It's joy captured in sound. I always remember your laughter.
I remember often what I was wearing, what you were wearing...sometimes, I recall odd little details. I recall the things I noticed. I often notice odd things.
My past isn't always a pretty thing to recall. There are moments I wish to forget. Yet, there are brilliant times I'll never want erased.
I have for a very long time been the same inside.
I have liked much of the same things for years.
I have been drawn to certain things my whole life.
Trees, doves, harps, redheads, swords, dragons, the ocean, the beach, the stars, the moon, blue eyes, wind, willows, soft things.
I have hated many things my whole life.
Bees, wasps, buzzing, scratching, liars, nasty couches and carpet, evil dogs, mosquitoes, cole slaw, things too hot on my sensitve feet, rough fabrics.
It's funny how things don't change.
At least, inside me.
I've always been the rebel; some say I march to the beat of my own drum. I actually don't march to a drum, it's more of a melody, really. A melody of voices, memories, thoughts and feelings. It's a nice melody. Most days.